Top Toilets

Winners of HMC’s Bathroom Superlatives

By Hannah Larson & Rachel Schibler

In the 3.75 years that we have been at Harvey Mudd, a lot has changed and many things have gone in surprising and unexpected ways. The one thing we can always rely on is our need to use the bathroom and our desire to write an article sharing our knowledge of porcelain thrones with the rest of the Mudd community. As we graduate from Mudd, so too will these bathrooms*, and we would like to honor those friends and toilets that have always been there for us by granting them senior superlatives.

*89.9% of these bathrooms will actually be around for the foreseeable future.

Cutest Couple: Sprague First Floor Bathroom

This award has to go to the adorable urinal and toilet in the Sprague first floor bathroom. This inseparable duo is never caught more than two feet apart from each other, regardless of the vastness of the bathroom. Take your crush to this bathroom, pick a porcelain, and settle in for a very intimate and awkward first date.

Most Secretive: Other Sprague First Floor

Hidden behind the adorable and popular Sprague first floor bathroom is the less adorable and less popular Other Sprague First Floor bathroom. This bathroom may not be as popular, but it has a lot to share with you, if you just give it a try. Not only is this bathroom a single stall, but it is also more hidden from the public eye, so you can have a bit more privacy when doing your business. Once inside, there is an extra stall wall, ensuring that you will have even more secrecy and privacy on the toilet.

Most Haunted: Shan Second Floor

Do you know that feeling when you know you’re alone, and then you hear a loud noise from right next to you? The second floor Shan bathroom has had multiple reports of hauntings, including toilets flushing when nobody is there, loud banging noises, and other paranormal incidents. Nobody knows for certain whether it is the ghosts of long-dead problem sets or the social life you once had, but whatever is haunting you right now is definitely living in this bathroom. Avoid it at all costs unless someone else knows where you are.

Most Likely To Be On The Bachelor: Platt First Floor 

The Platt First Floor bathrooms were unanimously voted for this award. Between the wall-sized mirror, the full-sized mirror, and the designer mood lighting, any time you walk into these bathrooms, you automatically feel like a contestant on The Bachelor. These bathrooms are the best place on campus to take selfies with friends and hype yourself up for a night out at a dorm party, or a night in with movies and popcorn from Jay’s just downstairs.

Most Likely to Be the Mom Friend: Parson’s Women’s Bathrooms (First and Second Floor)

The Parson’s women’s bathrooms (First and Second floor) are stocked full of goodies, making them the most prepared for any situation. As single-occupancy bathrooms, they’ll comfort you when you need a safe place to cry, and their air fresheners, cocoa butter lotion, and complementary hygiene products will have you leaving feeling like a pampered queen ready to take on office hours, problem sets, or long essays for your Mudd Hums.

Most Artsy: West Dorm Common Bathroom (Fast Lane)

If you’ve ever wondered what Banksy’s bathroom looks like, take a whiz in the West dorm common bathroom. This bathroom is full of anonymous Westie art and stands as a symbol of community, expression, and defiance. Its status as an ASHMC-approved mural is currently getting sorted, so be sure to check it out before it gets painted over again

Most Likely to Take Care of You When You’re Drunk: North Dorm Common Bathroom

Whether you’re an off-campus student or a North Dorm resident, the North Dorm common bathroom will welcome you in whatever state of drunkenness you’re in. It’s the most dependable friend who is there for you when you stumble in for a quick pee in between pong games and doesn’t tell a soul when you end up puking in its very forgiving toilet.

Most Likely to Get Arrested: Atwood Bathroom + Shower

With a history of making loud noise during dorm meetings and breaking its elevator with an alarming frequency, Atwood has always been a bit of a rowdy dorm, but the most alarming thing Atwood is known for is its sordid history with methamphetamine. Rumor has it that, back in the old days of Atwood, a certain student made a business out of producing meth in their dorm bathroom’s bathtub, which was then remodeled into a shower. Although we don’t think the student was ever arrested, the Atwood dorm bathrooms are definitely the most likely bathrooms to be mixed up in illegal activity.

Most Likely to Disappear After Graduation: McGregor Porta Potty

This Porta Potty is the most elusive of all bathrooms on campus. To our knowledge, no students have ever used this bathroom, and The Muddraker staff is not even positive where it is located. This Porta Potty will be leaving campus as soon as construction is complete, and has already promised to be “conveniently busy” for all of the future alumni weekends.

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